In Loving Memory

Angel blessings everyone. I thank each and every one of you who have allowed me time and space to start the grieving process after the loss of my mama. I thank you for prayers, well wishes, and condolences. It has been a very challenging time for me but I have gained some perspective. I believe we are all teachers and students. During these past two weeks, I have learned things that I would like to share. Perhaps someone out there is in a similar situation and can find peace in my sharing.

I believe we all come into this world with a shared intuition. As a sociologist, I also know that many of us are shaped by society and the different cultures we share. We lose our way when we try to live our lives according to the demands or expectations of society, community, co-workers, friends, or family. What others want from us is what makes them happy and comfortable and not necessarily what makes us happy or comfortable. I have been reminded of this in my mama’s passing. I want her here to make me happy. She is much happier in her non-physical body.

I believe all children go through stages of not just physical growth, but emotional and spiritual growth as well. There comes a time in our lives when we want the safety and security we believe is found at home while at the same time we also want independence and freedom. During this tumultuous time, things get said and behaviors are acted upon as we struggle to find our way. I recall a period in my life where I believed my mama was someone other than the loving woman she truly was. She did not change, I did. My childhood was less than ideal but my mama’s love was unwavering.

I believe I am always divinely guided and protected. As an intuitive, I have learned to listen to that guidance. Almost a year ago I knew I needed to be with family in another state. So I traveled. I believe I did some good while there. Whether it was appreciated or not is none of my business. I also know that shortly after that, I was called to come home and spend time with my mama. For the last five months, I watched my mama deteriorate before my eyes and it was very challenging. But I also got to spend quality time with her. I listened as she shared stories of her childhood. I learned about family members I did not know a lot about. I came to know how important family has always been to her and how sad it made her to see that family was not as important to generations younger than hers.

I believe my mama lived a life of service to others. She gave of herself willingly, lovingly. She was patient, kind, and compassionate. She did not tell me how to live my life. She supported whatever seemingly-crazy idea I approached her with. She wanted only for the family to be safe, happy and loved. She remembered holidays and birthdays with cards to every family member from her parents (before they passed) to her great-grandchildren.

I believe we grieve for our own selfish, personal loss. As physical beings, we become dependent on others in our lives. It is natural to miss a physical presence but there is a bigger picture. When I stopped crying long enough to listen, I heard my Mama. I know she is happy, whole, and enjoying time with others in her non-physical body. Love is about wanting others to experience their own joy. So yea, this sucks. Yea, I will continue to cry when I realize I can’t pick up the phone or go to visit and talk with my mama face-to-face. But I can still talk to her and be guided by her wisdom when I am quiet and listen closely.

I believe when you feel guided to do something, it is intuition and should be heeded. I am grateful I was able to spend the last few months of my mama’s life with her. I am so very grateful for that. Her death was a surprise to everyone. She had a terminal illness that was diagnosed four years ago and she lived with it alone. Even as she was dying, she did not want the family to worry about her. She wanted us all to continue to live. My question for you all is would you love any differently if you knew a loved one had a terminal illness? Why wait? Each and every day should be lived and filled with love as though it were the last.

Peace and love,

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